Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a choice that does not require anything from the other. Forgiveness simply accepts the human condition as it is, realizing that the offender is also human. It need not agree with or legitimize the offense in order to forgive it or the offender.

Forgiveness does not pretend that the other's character, reliability, or trustworthiness is changed or that we must continually leave ourselves open for abuse. The Kennedy quote is instructive in this regard, but the others are as applicable. Forgiveness includes, at its fullest, a renewed desire for the good of the offender. This is not codependency, not porous boundaries, not severe self negation. It is simply living in community with integrity, accepting others as broken humans.

In this sense, forgiveness is more of a stance, a readiness, a willingness more than a specific act although such a stance will result in behaviors of forgiveness. Those who are open to the reality of broken human society forgive as a matter of course.

An addendum. Sometimes forgiveness leads to or even requires grieving what we have lost in ourselves, for ourselves, and even for the other. If grief remains strongly associated with the hurt, defensiveness rather than forgiveness may result.